


Come, And Find Your Kind

by GlitterDwarf



Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: F/M, This is real apparently
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-24
Updated: 2011-10-24
Packaged: 2017-10-24 22:19:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/268503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitterDwarf/pseuds/GlitterDwarf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan writes about sex with Blair Waldorf, but slant, and without her participation. So, honestly, it’s no wonder that she isn’t speaking to him. Set at some point after "Memoirs of An Invisible Dan"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come, And Find Your Kind

**Author's Note:**

> This got, unexpectedly, much longer than I had intended. Whoops!

As far as Dan Humphrey knows, there are very few places in the _real_ world where people who knew each other in high school are still this involved in each other’s lives. He’s even made a mental list of such places in his mind a hundred times since the fall out that followed his book being published. These places are: very small towns with no industry so nobody ever leaves and you have no choice; television shows that start when the main characters are in high school, and after they go to college the writers find every small way that they can be in each other’s lives still. And that is the end of Dan’s list.

And, honestly, sometimes Dan fantasizes about a world that is other from his. It was during this fantasy period when he thought about writing a book about people he knew, because in his mind he could pretend that none of these people were still in his life, and that he could tell their stories without repercussion. And so he wrote. He wrote about a family that marries up and loses what makes it special. He wote about the world they inhabit and the beautiful creatures that give it substance, about the deep and abiding loneliness of endless riches with nobody to share it with, about illicit affairs and just feeling _something_ , about the girl that was at the center of it all, the girl who lived above reproach, the girl that lived without regret, the girl that left everything she touched dull and lifeless. He wrote about your life’s expectations and how they never live up to reality, about everything that seems important but never is, about always wanting and never having. And, when he finally wrote about the whole truth, he wrote about the person who changed everything, who showed him who he really was, and who he finally saw as a whole person, and who he couldn’t help but love for that wholeness.

In reality, Dan is very aware that his kiss with Blair was brief, and that he romanticized it and blew it out of proportions. Which is why Dylan Hunter doesn’t second-guess himself when the opportunity presents itself. Dylan Hunter breaks through the bullshit, the bullshit that the two of them had built. Dylan Hunter kisses Clair Carlyle, and he holds her head in place as though she will leave (she might). Dylan eventually moves his hands, but only to touch her flushed skin everywhere that he can, like a dare. Dylan carries Clair up the stairs because Dylan has so many things to prove, and because Dylan is desperate he only takes off Clair’s expensive, flimsy panties before touching her, his fingers immediately stroking against her clit to make her arch. Her for own part, Clair is compliant and wet, extremely wet and ready and silent, and after Dylan giver her an orgasm with his fingers he enters her, and when they come it’s uneven but almost together, and if that isn’t a metaphor for his entire fucking Upper East Side existence then Dylan (Dan) doesn’t know what is.

Dan writes about sex with Blair Waldorf, but slant, and without her participation. And after he had written it, Dan had masturbated, right there, because he knew that otherwise he wouldn’t be able to stop wondering what Blair’s skin smelled like, and he wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about how she might tighten around him. He had come, hard, and it was an amazing thing at this point that he was living alone because there was no muffling the cry that ripped from his throat.

Because honestly? In Other Worlds, the girls that you meet in high school are nice, but they don’t know enough yet. They are fantasies, and they are fun, and they go to college and eventually they grow up and they marry somebody and have children and stop being able to fit into sample sizes. In Other Worlds, you grow up and you grow away, and you get married one day to a sensible girl who probably shares the same political views that you have, and you have a real relationship with ups and downs and love and respect and trust, and you stop putting people on pedestals. In Other Worlds, the girls aren’t so all-consuming, or so strong or driven, or so amazing. And Dan knows that Blair has her faults (he knows better than anybody) but he also knows what a fucking _great_ person she is, how much of a fighter she is. He actually accepts her for who she is, which is a new thing.

And then he went and wrote about how he would have sex with her to _prove himself_ as if she weren’t real or breathing or anything.

So, honestly, it’s no wonder that she isn’t speaking to him.

\--

“You should just call her,” Eric says to Dan one day. Dan scratches the back of his head, coughs, and looks behind him, at the girl that is asleep in his bed.

“Yeah,” Dan starts to say before he realizes that he has no words.

“You can’t keep looking for the perfect first sexual experience,” Eric says to Dan after a beat of silence.

“Yeah,” Dan concedes. He is sore.

\--

Blair, who is always braver, is the one who calls Dan.

“I’m not mad at you.”

Dan sucks in his breath as quietly as he can when she says this. There is silence, and it is awkward.

“ _I’m_ mad at me,” he says, finally, and immediately wishes that he could take those words right back out of the air. Blair laughs, and it’s short and biting.

“You really shouldn’t bother. That’s nothing new, nor exciting.”

More silence before she speaks again.

“I’m coming over.”

\--

In Other Worlds, when a girl shows up on your doorstep she is probably wearing something casual. At the most, she is wearing a summer dress, and at the least she is wearing something comfortable.

Blair Waldorf shows up looking like she always does, which is impeccable. Her game face is back on, which is something that she hasn’t worn to his apartment in a long time. She is also carrying that new Sleeping Beauty movie, the one with the hot chick from that Lemony Snicket movie and also that Zack Snyder movie with the girl from that Disney musical movie. Dan raises an eyebrow when he sees it.

“That’s a little out of your usual taste,” he points out. She is already putting the disk into his machine in his room, the one that you can only comfortably see from his bed.

“What isn’t, these days,” she mumbles flippantly. She then crawls into his bed.

They barely get to the part in the movie where the Unfortunate Events girl’s nipples are on screen constantly before Blair is stroking the inside of Dan’s arm, slowly and deliberately. He shivers, and he definitely doesn’t miss Blair’s smile at this response.

“Truth or dare, Blair,” he mumbles. She snorts, quietly, but doesn’t stop stroking his arm.

“We aren’t _tweens_ anymore, Humphrey,” she says, without looking at him. “But if it will make you feel better: truth.”

“Where is Louis?”

She doesn’t stop stroking, but she does sniff a bit.

“I have no idea. Not in my life, though, which is what I think that you were asking.”

He was.

She doesn’t stop stroking.

“Truth or dare, Humphrey.”

“Truth.”

“Why did you write me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m not real. Like I’m just another Serena in your life.”

“You’re not,” Dan protests, but he realizes immediately why she would think that, and it’s the same reason why he hasn’t tried to talk to her. “But I’m not good, or not good enough, or something.”

Blair stops stroking. She shifts her body until she is on her knees, facing him. On anybody else, this position would be adorable, or casual, and this makes it strikingly vulnerable of a thing for Blair to do.

“You’re _real_ , Dan, and so am I,” she whispers. Her hands are in her lap, and she is leaning towards him, slightly. Her dress is ruched up around her thighs, and he can see the tops of her stockings, but he can also see her belly now. It is rounder, more pronounced. She is definitely showing.

Blair Waldorf, the queen of the Upper East Side, is going to be a mother. She is going to be a mother, and she is in his bed, being nice and considerate and reminding him of what is real, like she doesn’t have bigger things to worry about, like the father of her child isn’t gone, like her life isn’t about to change forever, and like it hasn’t already.

He reaches forward tentatively and touches her there, where there is life inside of her. She stills, then softens, and then puts her hand on top of his.

“Truth or dare, Blair,” he whispers.

\

“Dare.”

Dan thinks of the millions of dares that he could ask for from her, and thinks of how Blair never gives up the ability to make the dare herself.

“I dare you to lie down next to me,” he says, patting the bed next to him. He scoots down until his head is on one of his pillows and smiles up at her.

Blair laughs, a sound that almost sounds like crying, muffled in her chest.

“Again, Humphrey, you show your complete lack of creativity,” she says as she rearranges herself and her body until she is next to his.

“Maybe, but,” Dan mumbles. He reaches across the mere inches of their separation to take one of her hands between his, rubs his thumb across her palm, runs his fingers over her wrist joint. “I just like this. I like you.”

“Well you certainly like my hand,” Blair says, laughing a bit nervously. It seems that her bravado is fading, which is fine, because his is picking up.

“I do. I also like your arms, and your neck, and your belly, and I would really like to get to know your thighs, to be honest.”

It is Blair’s turn to shiver.

“But I also like your bravery. I like your honesty. I like your laugh, and I like that you do so many things for other people, that other people don’t notice. I like your loyalty. I like your strength. I like that you call me out on my bullshit, because there is a _lot_ of it, Blair, and I think you need to know-“

“I know,” she says, laughing a little bit, and it’s making Dan’s stomach burn, low.

“Well, yeah, I guess you would _have_ to know by now.”

“I also,” Blair offers quietly, then pausing. “Well, you know.”

“I know.”

“This is where you kiss me, Dan.”

“Okay,” he says, and it is his turn to smile and laugh.

When Dan kisses Blair, he can’t stop smiling. He is kissing Blair Waldorf, and he is touching her hair, softly, and he is smiling, and she is pressing closer to him, and she is smiling, too. He moves to hover his body carefully over hers at what he thinks is a safe distance, and she pulls him down to be closer, her fingers spreading in his curls.

“You won’t break me, or my child,” she murmurs against his lips. Dan responds with his hands in her waves, with his tongue sweeping across her bottom lip. She parts her mouth, and there is the slide of tongue, the soft moans and the sighs. He traces along her lips, making her mewl. Blair wraps one of her legs around his body and presses her other leg up until her thigh is touching his erection, and she moves her leg to create the most frustrating friction. She isn’t even _touching_ him directly and Dan’s head is already dizzy. Dan drops his head to her shoulder and sucks on her collarbone to muffle his own moans. Blair makes the most wonderful sound at this, which makes his cock twitch against her leg. She responds to this by pressing her hands against his back, two fingers dipped below the waistband of his jeans, and it is the most wonderful feedback loop.

Dan has no idea how he could ever write Blair as absent during sex, he thinks wildly as he kisses his way to her breasts, which are amazing. Blair never does anything that isn’t deliberate, and she never does anything halfway. It’s pretty much the best thing about her, especially right now, which is why he doesn’t have to ask “what do you like about me?” She is _here_ , and that says more than a dozen shitty novels by Dan Humphrey.

The dress that Blair is wearing is beautiful, and Dan almost feels bad when he pushes the top off of her shoulders without much finesse. Any negative feelings are gone, however, the second that his tongue touches her nipple. Blair moans, not a soft and quiet moan, but loud and deep. Her hands go to his head, instinctively, and he smiles against her breast momentarily because _I, Dan Humphrey, did_ that. He carefully touches her left breast while his mouth works on the other, lightly sucking. He experiments slightly by very lightly scraping his teeth against her nipple. Blair’s response is very encouraging; her thighs squeeze around his body as she arches her back. Her hands twist in his v-neck, pushing it up.

“Your body,” Blair gasps, “has far too many clothes right now, and it’s very unbecoming and I really do think that you should be naked.”

Dan laughs, and uses his teeth again, making her shudder beneath him. When he doesn’t respond right away, she pulls at the hem of his shirt until it rips.

“Hey!” Dan snorts, pulling himself away from Blair’s amazing breast to look her in the eye. “I like this shirt.”

“I know for a fact that you have numerous similarly-colored v-neck tees in your wardrobe, Dan, so _please_ focus here.”

Dan can’t help but laugh when Blair tugs his shirt off of his body and discards it unceremoniously off of the side of his bed. He moves off of her so that she can undress, and she discards of her own dress almost as quickly, but with much more care, gingerly placing her folded garment on his bedside table before turning back to face him.

Blair Waldorf is undeniably beautiful, and Dan has known this for a long time. What he didn’t know was how she would look naked, which is, apparently, perfect. Her entire body is bare, save for her stockings. He can really see her bump now, especially because she is doing nothing to hide it.

“You weren’t wearing anything underneath that,” Dan points out.

“And you’re wearing too much right now, which I already warned you about, so I don’t see your point,” Blair says, reaching for his pants. Dan scoots backwards and away from her fingers. He quickly pushes his jeans and boxer briefs over his hips and onto the floor.

“I like those jeans too much to let you rip them,” he explains, and she smiles, but she also licks her lips. She is openly looking at his erection, and her hands are balling up in his sheets as though she wants to touch him but is holding back and, yeah, it’s awesome, and no, none of the girls that he slept with between the proverbial “then” and “now” ever made Dan feel this dizzy or this wanted.

Before she can protest, he maneuvers so that he is between her legs, kissing and running his thumbs across her hipbones. She sighs and shifts back into his bed, and she pushes her lower half towards him like an invitation. Dan smiles and retreats a bit so that he can press firm kisses to her thighs.

“Who knew you were such a tease, Humphrey,” Blair says, again trying to roll her hips towards him.

“I thought women were supposed to like foreplay,” Dan quips, hiding his smile against Blair’s thigh (which, now that he is familiar with it, is extremely wonderful).

“I’m quite ready, Dan, ready and waiting, which you would know if you would just touch me.”

“Oh,” Dan says, and he lays his cheek against Blair’s thigh and looks up at her. One of his hands traces up her other thigh, lightly touching her vulva. “Are you wet?”

“ _Yes_ , Dan,” Blair says, now almost whining.

“Tell me, Blair,” Dan says, much bolder than he can remember being (maybe he’s getting it by osmosis).

“Please touch me, Dan, I’m wet and you haven’t even _touched_ me and I’m so wet, and it’s maddening.”

Dan leans forward, spreads her apart with his fingers, and tastes.

Like the rest of her, it is, indeed, maddening. Dan moans, low, and traces her clitoris with his tongue as he slips a single finger inside of her. Blair is making extremely sexy noises, and he looks up, needing desperately to see her face. Blair has her eyes shut hard and her hands fisted in the sheets again, perhaps even in the same spot as earlier. With his hand that isn’t slowly moving in and out of her, Dan reaches forward and entwines his fingers with one of Blair’s balled-up hands. She squeezes his hand in turn and opens her eyes, meeting his gaze.

“You taste amazing,” Dan says as he slips another finger inside her, curls them up slightly. She bucks her hips slightly and squeezes his hand even harder.

“Humphrey, right there, _Dan_ ” she moans, so he _does_ , right there, sucking lightly on her clit with two fingers inside of her. It takes only a few more seconds of this before Blair’s orgasm hits her. He rides it out with Blair, moving with her bucking hips, and when she stops moving as much he laps at her, getting his last taste for the moment.

When he sits back on his feels, his right hand instinctively comes to hold his erection, even though he feels that he probably looks silly right now, with askew curls, a shiny chin, and his own cock in his hand.

“I don’t know about your protocol-“ he starts, but she pulls him down and kisses him firmly, licking her own juices off of his lips, and it’s pretty much the hottest thing Dan has seen a girl do that is real, in front of him, and not on a computer screen.

“Are you a fantasy come to life? Because-“ Dan starts, trying to make a joke. She frowns and wraps her legs around his waist.

“I keep on telling you, Dan,” Blair whispers. After these words, she flips the two of them over quickly, surprisingly, shocking Dan into silence. “This is real.”

She pulls a condom out of his bedside table drawer, and it only takes a few moments for her to unpackage it and slip it onto his cock. She positions Dan’s erection at her entrance, rubs against the tip, and then sinks down onto it, enveloping him.

Dan’s voice catches in his throat, and he makes some noises that he thinks are probably dorky but that seem to get Blair excited. She is moving against him quick, and yet gracefully, with just the right speed to allow him to touch her clit with his thumb as she rides him.

“I won’t last long,” he warns her, especially because she is _swiveling_ and he swears that he can almost see stars, literally.

“You’ll learn,” she says, smirking down at him. Blair’s movements get slightly more frantic, and then she leans down over him. For a minute Dan parts his lips, expecting her to kiss him, but instead she leans down further and bites his nipple.

Dan comes immediately, a weird mixture of “ _yes_ ” and “ _Blair_ ” and “ _thank you_ ” on his tongue.

All that Dan can do is lie panting on his own bed as Blair moves around him, disposing of the condom, picking up his clothes and hanging them over a chair, and, finally, returning to bed. He opens his arms immediately to her when he sees her approach the bed, making Blair smile silently. She does climb into his arms, and she does kiss him, which they do for a long while.

The Sleeping Beauty movie is over at this point, which is probably for the best. The sun has gone down, and the air from his open window is starting to chill their bodies. They huddle under the covers, which is either an excuse to stay as close to one another as possible or a sad necessity (Dan is hoping for the former).

“This is very intimate,” Blair says, and, in the silence, it sounds very loud.

Dan stiffens a bit at this, and Blair softens in response, running her hand along his arm.

“I didn’t mean that in a bad way. It’s just new.”

“You didn’t feel that with-“ Louis’ name catches in Dan’s throat, or Chuck’s name, and Dan doesn’t really want to open things up to such bad territory. “-Before?”

Blair rolls her eyes and squeezes Dan’s hand, under the covers.

“I just think that you _know_ me, even if you wrote me as boring in bed, but I’m choosing to interpret that as a sad act of ignorance.”

“Is that why this is real?”

Blair is quiet for a moment, and Dan worries for a moment that he has broken her before he remembers- _she is Blair Waldorf. She always survives._

“Amongst other things,” she finally says.

“Okay,” Dan says, thinking that, for now, and maybe for a long time, that is enough.


End file.
